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You are here: Home / The Relationship Glossary / L-relationship-glossary

L-relationship-glossary

L

 

lens distortions — This is my term for the more common term, “cognitive distortions.”  In the age of ubiquitous, digital photography, many people are familiar with the distortions that can be created by the lens on a camera or phone.  Distorted perception caused by camera lenses or special effects are a metaphor for the way our thought patterns filter our perceptions of reality.   Lens distortions, especially All-or-Nothing thinking is an important part of the 12 Skills video training course and the related worksheets.
losing it — A slang term for flooding with emotion to the point of being out control.  See anger threshold.
love — Love is giving thoughtful attention and effort to the highest good of another.  This is a definition of love that is robust enough to be found at the core of all the major types of love.
low and slow — During a conflict tempers often rise.  One very effective way to modulate the rising stress and anger is to focus on voice control.  Slowing down your speech and lowering the volume can help prevent a situation from spiraling out of control.  But the content of a person’s speech must not be inflammatory for this technique to be effective.

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Choose Your Steps Wisely

Making life changes requires effort. It's as if we all have a stack of "effort chips" that we can spend on a problem.

People who say they have "tried everything" to change usually mean that they have spent all their effort chips on the problem.

The key is to spend your effort chips strategically. When you find leverage, the problem gets fixed before your effort chips run out.

The 12 skills are about spending your "effort chips" wisely.

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